Just Wonerful

okay so we had a performance at a JV basketball game...... we blew it.... it sucked soooo bad.... the guys from Ben Lemond were even laughing =[ then marcie was being all nice about it and you would think it would make it better but it wasnt. then last night I was listening to a song from tarzan called you'll be in my heart and i burst out crying.... I miss my mom so much.... I love leslie its just that she cant fully fill in for my mom... I miss my family and am going through withdrawls and most nights I end up crying myself to sleep... you really don't realize what you have until its gone.... and I know that she isn't gone for forever its just hard.... but I guess I will just have to put on a smiley fake .... especially when around skyler..... which being around reminds me of my mom.... I got off the phone with my mom last night and before she hung up she said goodnight baby girl.... then when skyler was going to bed he said the same thing.... then I started crying again.... ugh lol.... then with friends.... I realize that we leave each other out alot.... like in p.e. we will ve walking and leave someone out so I decided I am no longer leaving anyone out... unless its on thursday and they are with their boyfriend

to day was a pretty interesting day..... I was on facebook and all of a sudden this kid named Brycen which I think is really cute totally boosted my self confidence a whole bunch even though it was kinda weird for him to tell me I was hot and had a sexy body . . . it was even weirder when he told me he enjoyed dancing with me . . . lol . . . then I got on yet again... I was talking to Tristan and well it didn't go so good.... he was saying he was disappointed then accused me of cheating and hanging all over guys so I flipped and told him yeah I know that you think I am a slut and was hanging all over guys when I wasn't. . . well it ended with him telling me to have fun in my messed up life.... then was a wuss and logged off..... I was sooooo glad that Brycen had talked to me before other wise I would be torn right now. . . I was already crying and if my self confidence hadn't been boosted a lot I wouldn't have been writing this so thanks Brycen... and Kacee thanks for saying you were going to kick his butt I LOVE YOU KACEE YOU ARE MY HERO!!!!!!!!

ugh i was just watching the happy tree friends and that is the grossest thing you could ever watch they are cute animals and in the end they all end up dying :( sometimes they can be fun tho... hahaha... i guess

hey guys... im back... that can be good and bad i guess. Chicago was soo much fun I wish some of you guys could have been there with me tho. It would have made it so much more fun... especially if you were there kacee. btw i looovvveee your hair... wanna know what i realized you and jared match now... sorry that was random. but lol it was a long ride. especially with my cousin marryn there.. sometimes you can just feel like killing a family member even though deep deep down. well it took us three days to get down there and two to get back. we stayed there for two days and i got to see my bro which was cool. he lost so much weight it was crazy... he has no butt anymore... maybe i will join the navy... well we went to six flags which was pretty fun we went on a ride called Gotham City and it had my lil cuz cryin... i thought it was fun tho... yep... it was fun until we left and my 11 year old cousin was acting like a baby because he didnt get to go to the water park.. boohoo... go cry about it... then he started hitting things and it was making me mad cause my eight year old sister was acting more grown up... then my other cousin kept barking... yes barking... the entire way home ugh... Have you ever felt like someone is favored more than you ... well thats how it is with my grandma... she absolutely loves nathan and marryn... just because their mom wont move out of her house... my mom and step dad brought up the fact that they got i love you's and hugs 24\7 and my sis and i got none... but guess what i am fine with that cause i have plenty of people that love me in my life that i dont have to put up with her... thank for being there those that do!!!! well other than that the trip was decently fun

well, I guess I am going to Chicago again... when i was at natalie's house my mom called and told me that we are going... then said we are going with my cousins are coming and we are going to six flags too.

ok well I was supposed to go to chicago right... well my mom cant keep a promise and I am not going.... who knows if I will even go on the cruise right now!! well how I found out if I was going was i was talking to my mom today and it went something like this

Jessica:
hey mom when are we going to chicago

Susan:
we might not
yes we went to the meeting
(the mondelis company meeting)

Jessica:
why wouldnt we

Susan:
money

Jessica:
oh...

I wanted to cry soo bad... it probably wouldnt have been a big deal except that she can never keep a promise and I dont know what made me think she would keep this one!! I thought she changed and could keep a promise but she cant... I wanted to kill myself but matt kc and tristan are what made me decide not too... I cant stop hating my mom for blaming my sister for doing drugs and maybe if Keli actually did do drugs its because my mom drove her to it... MOM KELI DOES NOT DO DRUGS AND SHE IS BETTER THAN THAT... DO YOU THINK THAT JAYDE WOULD LET HER DO THAT??? I freaking love my sister and we can do sooo many things that no one in our family even understands... she is the one that taught me raki and she is the one I first told that i could read auras... and guess what!!! I wont even tell my mom I can because i am affriad she will go "great another Keli" even though i dont know why she doesnt hate me already because everything about me resembles keli... personality and all.... SHE NEEDS TO FREAKING GROW UP BECAUSE NOW SHE IS DENYING THAT SHE EVEN HAS A DAUGHTER NAMED KELI!!! well i have been trying to shut her out for months now... the last time i saw her was when she came over to my house to give me b-day money cause she knew i wasnt going to come over.... why does she insist on hurting me?! all the promises she makes and breaks just hurts me more and more!! i dont even want to see her again!! now i feel really bad for my little sister Jaden because she is like a mini me and she has to go through life not knowing what a decent one is!! i wish she would go live with her real dad so she would know what financially stable really is but unfortunately she was addopted. and for Rick, my step dad, she is spending money behind your back... how else do you think that one day she just came home with 10 pairs of shoes from forever 21... i am so sorry for susans (my mom) behavior Keli i wish she would stop but we all know she never will!! well... glad that's out

as many of you know I had dance all this week.... well we danced and it all went great until we get to emotion in motion. we had all been backstage crying because it was our last dance together so we came out holding hands and got in formation then Lexi called ready and one and we all put our heads down... we thought we were going to all be ok but then Marci did a talk it went like this

Before these girls perform I would like to tell you that they have been my first competition team I took on this year and there was two competitions and they took first at both of them so give them a round of aplause.

that was it our last dance togeter we were all crying and trying to smile through the tears and make this our best dance. then we finished and came out crying and everyone was wondering why we were so we told them and they go "thats no reason to cry"



BULL CRAP THAT IS A GREAT REASON TO CRY WE HAVE BEEN WITH EACHOTHER THROUGH ALL OF THIS AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM GOING TO DO WITHOUT THEM SO TO THE PEOPLE THAT THINK THAT IS A STUPID REASON TO CRY.... GO CHOKE ON A PICKEL.

then we got to the end and Lisa was talking
and she had me come up and gave me flowers for my birthday....
so we all walk out and bow and breanna and I were leading
then lisa started talking again

so she was introducing all the dancers and helpers and then Mckenzie shaw goes
" woah stop stop stop stop ok umm uh well all the dancers and drill team got marci a little some thing and could Emotion In motion come up here please everybody (so we all steped up) we would like to thank Marci for all that she has done for us and how much she has taught us and we just want her to know that we love her ( then she started crying and Marci took the microphone.

and marci goes "Let me tell you thirteen of these girls made drill team so I wanna know why there are bawling when they are going to see me everyday.


then Mckenzie took it again and goes "wait I'm not done. and she passed it around and everone said something. then she said we love you Marci and we will miss all the Emotion in Motion girls we are leaving behind.... I completely broke down.... I walked up to Mckenzie after she was done and hugged her and cryed for the longest time.


that was the best and worst birthday of my life...